A friend asked me how I keep myself motivated and push hard in the gym since I work out alone at home. Naturally, I wrote an essay in response. Let me cut to the chase. 

## Accept that motivation will never be your primary driver
It sounds cliche, but it’s the raw truth. Motivation is fleeting. If you’re counting on it to get you to the gym, you will likely fail. 

I'm rarely motivated the moment I walk into the gym. But I'm committed to consistency. And I’ve learned, as explained to me in countless self-help books, that motivation really does follow action. 

Hence, I’ve developed the ability to move through the lack of motivation. I mentally detach from the dread, acknowledging that it’s there, but not letting it take over. 

Fortunately, the dread usually dissipates within 5-15 minutes.

## Always have a plan and a backup plan 
It is essential to have a plan for several reasons. 

First and foremost, you need a plan because you want results. If you show up without a plan, you will likely waste time, fail to progress, and lose momentum. 

A plan will also help you transition through the first phase of most workouts when motivation is low and you're fighting the urge to walk away. 

In addition to my actual training program, I always have a plan for warming up. 

Warmups help me get past the nagging dread of working out. They don't need to be complicated and long. Typically, my first 10-15 minutes in the gym consists of: 

- 3-5 minutes: dynamic stretching (deep lunges, downward dogs, etc.)
- 3-5 minutes: getting my heart rate up with rowing, running, jump roping or moving through the next phase with increasing speed
- 3-5 minutes: lightweight / bodyweight movements that mimic the patterns I’ll be lifting shortly. Squats, pushups, good mornings, band pull aparts, etc. I start slow in the first round and build up speed as I go.

I also have a plan for when things don’t go to plan.

All too often, something happens and my dedicated window for working out slips or shrinks. Instead of letting such hiccups throw me off completely, I have ways of adapting on the fly. 

The easiest way to work around a tight schedule is to use an AMRAP formula. 

AMRAP stands for as many reps (or rounds) as possible. Whatever amount of time you have, pick 3 to 6 movements, set a timer, and cycle through. 

I typically will treat the first few rounds as a warmup and increase my weights as I go. 

Here is a [35 minute AMRAP workout example](https://www.instagram.com/p/Cg2t0w3gSJv/). Here is a [40 minute AMRAP workout example](https://www.instagram.com/p/CgUhsPJgFnA/). 

You can either pick lifts you would have done that day or take a full body approach by picking one pushing movement, one pulling movement, one knee bending movement, one hip hinging movement, and one ab exercise. 

You can also do the same thing but EMOM style. EMOM stands for every minute on the minute. Instead of continuously moving, you work for 30-50 seconds every minute, using the down time to rest and move to the next station. 

On these days, the goal is to move and maintain consistency. 

## Give yourself grace for a day, but not for two days
This is surely an unpopular opinion, but it works for me. If shit happens, it’s ok. I just do everything in my power not to let it become two missed days. Obviously, if I’m sick this doesn’t apply. 

## Track everything
I track everything I do in the gym. I commandeered my partner’s iPad Pro and use Google Sheets, but you can use a notebook or app. 

Typically, I have my plan in the spreadsheet and I write down exactly what I lifted and if needed, notes about what I should do next. 

For example, I'll track:

- Deadlifts: 6 x 10 reps at 190. Form was sloppy - stay at 190 for another week
- Back Squats: 5 x 8 reps at 150. Next time try 155.
- Dumbbell Bench Press: 3 x 10 reps at 35. Next try 3 x 12 reps at 35.

If you don’t track, it's too easy to forget and fail to respect the principle of [progressive overload ](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/a-short-primer-on-getting-stronger)which is critical to progress and results.

I also keep myself on task by using a running clock (again on the iPad) to ensure I rest properly between sets. Without the clock, it’s too easy to either rush to my next set or get distracted and waste time. 
## Remember how little time you spend in the gym
In terms of pushing hard, it helps to contemplate just how little time you spend in the gym, but how impactful it can be.

I always think about how I'm spending 60-90 minutes in the gym. That's 1/24 of my day. I've already done the hard work to get my ass in the gym and warm up. So I owe it to myself to get the most out of it.

Along the same lines, if you lift 3 times per week and aim for 15-25 working sets per session, that's 75 sets per week max that you need to push. Assuming every set is 10 reps and each rep takes 5 seconds, that's a total of 62.5 minutes of work _in a week._

I’m always so excited to back squat the night before leg day. In the morning, it’s inevitably daunting. Then, I remember I only get ~40 working reps in a week so I better make them count.

And why make them count? Because results require pushing close to maximum effort.

I also highly recommend not looking at your phone during your workouts. It’s a sure fire way to lose steam and waste time. 

In the last 2 years of working out alone and programming for myself, I can count on one hand the number of times I've cut a workout short because I just didn't want to finish. I just don’t want to be that person. 

Of course, there are times when you should not push because you are truly exhausted. One of my favorite gym mottos is: Life to train another day. 

It takes time to learn the difference between laziness and fatigue. But, if you’re tired, adapt your plan. 
## Use mental tricks for getting through dips in your willpower 
When the going gets tough, take one set at a time. 

I do my best not to worry about all the work left to do. This is especially useful when doing 5+ sets of something. My mantra is often: nothing but the rep in front of you. 

When you're close to the end and you want to quit, I tell myself to keep pushing for one more song. Sometimes I do this for 5 songs. 

I think this technique is the temporal equivalent of narrowing your visual focus, which is a proven technique for pushing hard. In a recent [Huberman Lab podcast](https://hubermanlab.com/dr-emily-balcetis-tools-for-setting-and-achieving-goals/), Dr. Emily Balcetis, explains how runners who repeatedly focus on visual milestones like a tree up ahead, run faster than those who don’t do this. 
## Embrace the fear of failure
When I'm lying in bed, not thrilled about waking up at 5am to work out, I imagine how shitty I'll feel at 7am when I sit down to work without having worked out. I don't want that feeling... so I haul myself out of bed. 

It turns out that fear is more motivating. In another Huberman Lab podcast, Andrew Huberman explains that we are better at moving away from fearful things than moving towards things we want. 

Apparently visualizing failure, versus visualizing success, can double the likelihood that you will reach your goal. If you don’t have time to listen to the full two hour podcast, [listen to this clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1F7EEGPQwo). 

## Identify as a lifter
I got this from the book, Atomic Habits. If you want to be something, tell yourself you are that. 

As opposed to outcomes-based thinking (I want to lift more), try identity-based thinking (I'm a lifter so I lift). This technique has helped me change my life in many ways, including becoming a writer. 

When you're sitting at your desk, with the choice of working more, or ditching out on the workout to get a drink, or otherwise relax, repeat: I'm a lifter so I lift.

That’s what I do: 
- Accept that motivation will never be your primary driver
- Always have a plan and a backup plan
- Give yourself grace for a day, but not for two days
- Track everything
- Remember how little time you spend in the gym
- Use mental tricks for getting through dips in your willpower 
- Embrace the fear of failure
- Identify as a lifter

I don't know if it ever gets easier. 

I supposed it does in the sense that I love how I feel and look and I don't want to lose that. But motivation is fleeting and workouts are always hard. 

I often think about how I have to prove myself to myself everyday. It’s daunting, yet quite cool to consistently achieve such goals. 

**What other techniques have worked for you? I’d love to know how others keep themselves focused and committed over the long haul.**

### A note on programming 
If you want to write your own program for general strength and physique training, I highly recommend reading The Glute Lab by Bret Contreras and Glen Cordoza. Despite the name, it's well-rounded. I describe it as an approachable textbook on programming.

As for apps, I've never used one, but these are three I would consider based on feedback from friends and / or following their social content.
- [Juggernaut AI](https://www.juggernautai.app/) 
- [Sweeny Fitness](https://www.sweeneyfitness.com/)
- [Functional Bodybuilding](https://functional-bodybuilding.com/)

To the women out there: don't be turned off by the manly muscly images on some of them. These all offer great lifting programs for strength and physique development. 


A long list of tricks, mindsets tweaks and other tips for getting to the gym when you don't always feel like it.

How I Conjure Up Motivation for Working Out

Conjure Up Motivation for Working Out

About a month ago, I was feeling quite lost in the gym. It happens.

The truth is consistency is king for developing strength and muscle. Variation has its place. But, programs tend to work best when you stick to them for some time.

“Some time” could be a month, or 6 weeks or 3 months… some would say, go as long as you are still progressing on the program.

This leads to some repetitive days in the gym. Normally I don’t mind.

There is something meditative about meticulously moving through your reps. Increasing the weight on the bar or the quality of movement week after week. Sometimes I see it as a dance. A choreography to master. 

And as we all know far too well, results don’t show after a day or a week. 

Again, normally I don’t mind. I’ve come to enjoy and trust the process. 

But occasionally, I get bored and anxious about what I’m doing and if it’s working. 

When this happens, I try to push through. Sometimes the boredom fades quickly. Or I’ll give myself some freestyle days, but return to the plan quickly. 

A month ago, none of that was working. 

Then I got sick and went 10 days without lifting. As if the universe was saying… oh, you're bored? Let me remind you of what it’s like to not be able to lift.” 

I’m being dramatic. Yet, it was a great reminder that I love lifting and movement in general and it’s a damn treat to do it. 

Being sick also gave me some down time to reflect on why I was feeling lost. 

I listed my problems and came up with solutions: 
1. An optimizer at heart, I was constantly worried my program wasn’t perfect. So I decided to stop worrying. Check.
2. I admitted I couldn't do it all at the same time. I picked a primary goal and got comfortable with secondary goals taking a back seat. Yes, I want my “engine” to stay strong and I want to get stronger. But what I really want is bigger muscles: bigger shoulders, bigger legs, bigger abs. If I had to pick one goal to rule them all right now, well, I have to admit, I’m in BRO MODE. 
3. With that said, I do want to optimize my program for general health goals. I’ve heard too many researchers express the benefits of touching your max heart rate at least once per week so I make this a priority. Not to mention I truly enjoy conditioning work. 
4. Which leads me to the fourth issue. I was trying to cram everything I needed into a 7-day cycle. So I googled why we have a 7 day week and couldn't find any compelling biological reason so I’m now on a 9-day cycle. 
5. The day before getting sick, I had listened to the [Huberman Lab podcast](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwyZIWeBpRw) on the importance of play. I realized I don’t explore enough. So I added in a new hobby for novelty: artistic jump roping! 
6. Lastly, I acknowledged that building muscle takes time and instead of asking my partner if my delts looked bigger today (as opposed to yesterday when I last asked), I decided to get Dexa scans so I could stop second guessing if I’m actually building muscle.

To summarize. 

My primary goal right now is hypertrophy. I want more muscle. I do enjoy a good long conditioning workout regularly. And I need more play in my life. 

I started scaffolding out a program to meet these needs. 
- Four lifting days: 2 upper body and 2 lower body + shoulders
- I led with upper body so I can do back to back lifting days. If I started with leg day, I would probably need a rest day on day 2. 
- My rep ranges and volume are high which is required for muscle growth. Everything is 6+ reps. I shoot for at least 20 sets per muscle group per week. 
- I paired shoulders with legs so I can train them more frequently. I also skew at least one of my conditioning workouts to be very shoulder intensive (grow delts grows). 
- I did my best to ensure I’m bending my knees, hinging my hips, pushing, pulling and generally moving in _most_ planes. I could be better here. 
- I make my conditioning work high volume, muscle endurance style circuits to give my legs and shoulders more attention. I have fun dreaming these up.
- On rest days (and most days), I try to walk at least 30 minutes if not longer. 

What does this look like in practice?

Here’s a downloadable look at the program. Or follow along on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/thepleasantbox/).

Every week I go up in weight, sometimes reps, or if needed, I stay put and clean up my form. [Progressive overload for the win](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/a-cure-for-feeling-lost-in-the-gym). I’m also continuing to [use palm cooling to increase my performance](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/adventures-in-palm-cooling-for-strength) - I intend to write a follow up on this very soon.

I use my conditioning days to freestyle a bit. While I have a rough set of them mapped out, I adjust weekly based on how I’m feeling. Here are a couple recent examples.

If you think I’m missing something or you have better ideas, please do share! 

I’m three weeks into this program. Barring insightful commentary from the ether, I’ll stick with it for 6 weeks before shifting around movements. I’ll get another Dexa scan at the 6 and 12-week marks, and will report back progress. 

If I may, I’ll leave you with these lessons that I am taking away from this self-reflection: 
- Be clear on your goals **and** their order of importance. 
- Build a program based on scientifically-proven principles. 
- Incorporate what brings you joy. 
- Break a few rules. 
- Add in some play. 
- Track and measure progress. 

💪 Thank you for reading.


A detailed look at my current lifting program, along with a hefty dose of self-reflection.

Lifting Program: Summer 2022

What’s Up in The Pleasant Box: Summer 2022 Lifting Program

A decade ago I smoked my last cigarette.

When I quit, it felt impossible.

I can barely remember it now, but I know it was painful. Particularly the mental anguish of giving up something that I enjoyed. How could I ever enjoy a break from work, a party with friends, a walk, a drive, or a cup of coffee without my beloved nicotine?

I wish I could remember every moment of those first couple of months. I kick myself for not writing down my thoughts then. 

I quit cold turkey. 

It was the third time in my life I quit, and thankfully, it was the last time. 

I smoked my last cigarette in the designated smoking area outside of a hotel in San Francisco on a Friday night. I’m sure I was both savoring it and damning it. I remember getting into bed that night disgusted by the smell of smoke in my hair. 

The next day I drove to Carmel with my mom and proceeded to daydrink my way through my first 24 hours. I can’t say I recommend this approach, but it did work for me.

I woke up the next morning having survived a day without a cigarette. 

I went for a run. I could tell I was on the road to freedom.

When I think about why I finally quit, I do remember this one public service ad.

It called out how frustrating it was to be beholden to this substance. How it dominated your thoughts. How annoying it was to be doing something you enjoy, but mentally calculating when you could get your next cigarette. 

This resonated with me profoundly. Yes, I didn’t want to die. Yes, I didn’t want to look prematurely aged. Yes, I didn’t want to smell of smoke. But most of all, I didn’t want to be controlled by something. 

Sometimes, even 10 years later, I’ll remember what it was like to shape every hour of my life around getting in a cigarette and I shudder.

When I see a smoker contemplating how they will get their next cigarette in, I feel so hard for them. I wish they knew how close they were to a better life, but I also know it can’t happen until they are ready. 

I can’t even remember why I started smoking. I don’t remember why I felt I had to smoke. But along the way, it became a part of me, and then took years to unravel. 

While I technically quit cold turkey, I think the act of quitting was really several years long, both leading up to and after the last cigarette was consumed. 

To be honest, I don’t even know if I ever smoked “freely” aka without thinking about–at least in the back of my head–the harm I was causing myself. 

Which leads me to believe I was working up the courage to quit from more or less the time I started smoking “full time” when I was 18 years old. 

Between 18 and 31 I did have a couple of non-smoking years, but for the most part, I was a smoker. And as I continued puffing a pack a day, year after year, my smoking friends all quit, laws changed to prevent smoking in bars and restaurants, and the price of these freedom killers skyrocketed. 

There became a time when I started hating that I was a smoker. 

I was shackled to someone I didn’t want to be, but didn’t know how to leave. 

I remember reading The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. It was motivating but I didn’t quit while reading the book. I think, but can’t remember, that it took me another couple of months to decide to smoke my final cigarette. 

One technique that helped me get through the early days and weeks was to observe my urges to smoke as an outsider. I’d be sitting at my desk working and the urge to smoke would take over.

I’d tell myself to wait 5 minutes and see how I was feeling then. Most often, the urge would have dissipated. I had to do this at least 1680 times before it started to feel easy. That’s 20 times a day, seven days a week for three months.  

I don’t actually remember when I had my first “hell yes, I love not being a smoker” moment, but I am grateful everyday I broke those chains. 

About 8 months after I quit, I inquired at the CrossFit gym across the street. Since walking into that gym 9 and half years ago, I haven’t looked back. Fitness, while always sort of in my life in some way, became a defining cornerstone. 

So did celebratory cakes! 

!\[No smoking cake 1]\(IMAGE\_1)

On my one year anniversary of no smoking, my partner sent me the most delicious cake. And he has kept at it every year (although I’m waiting for the 10-year cake which is delayed due to a party we’re having later this summer if I can get around to planning it). 

!\[No smoking cake 2]\(IMAGE\_2)

Every year has been quite the treat.

!\[No smoking cake 3]\(IMAGE\_3)

Over the last decade, I’ve changed a lot about how I eat, how I do fitness, what I [drink](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/snooze-the-booze), how I sleep, how I [work](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/the-getting-shit-done-muscle), and how I [relationship](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/becoming-a-strong-listener). 

Unlike quitting smoking cold turkey, the vast majority of my changes have been slow evolutions. They start with a desire to change and usually come with a side of fear that I can’t do it. 

But I keep [pushing](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/powering-through). I usually read a lot about whatever it is I want to change. I make little tweaks. Sometimes I go into “extreme mode”, but most often the changes are slow. 

Like becoming a morning workout person. That took me months of dedicated effort and a lot of failure and it’s still not easy. 

The two books that have helped me make changes are:
- [The Power of Habit](https://bookshop.org/books/the-power-of-habit-why-we-do-what-we-do-in-life-and-business/9780812981605?aid=78973&listref=habit-change) by Charles Duhigg
- [Atomic Habits](https://bookshop.org/books/atomic-habits-an-easy-proven-way-to-build-good-habits-break-bad-ones/9780735211292?aid=78973&listref=habit-change) by James Clear 

The Power of Habit explains the dynamics of a habit and thus how to undo or replace them. Atomic Habits translates the science of habits into a practical handbook.

The three pieces of advice that stuck out to me most across these two books are: 
- You’ve got to have a plan. Write down how the habit happens. Explain all the places you can break down. And develop strategies in advance for each one. This helped me stop the destructive habit of midweek takeout that was hurting my nutrition goals.
- Act as if you are who you want to be now. I was afraid of starting a blog for years until I decided, I am a writer and writers write.
- Start small, so small you can’t fail. This worked for me as I slowly cut my alcohol consumption from daily to once per week.

If you’re trying to quit smoking, starting small might seem impractical. I know for me I was either a non-smoker or a pack-a-day smoker. But if I had to do it again, I’d think of start small as a mindset for surviving the micro moments. Take the pressure off quitting forever. Just get through the next urge. 

In many ways, that’s why I like pushing myself in the gym. I like to practice being uncomfortable. Even a decade into my fitness journey, I still get nervous before workouts. But I always do, and that daily dose of managing discomfort gives me the confidence to do it elsewhere in life. 

So maybe that is my big lesson from 10 years smoke-free: the crutches are chains and being comfortable with discomfort is freedom. 

If there is something you want to change about yourself, I hope you’ll see that it's possible. The time you spend thinking about and wanting to change is part of the process. Sometimes this phase is very long. Sometimes people never break out of it. But many people do and I believe you can too. 

Thank you for reading.


A decade ago I smoked my last cigarette. This milestone has me contemplating how we change and what I'm learning as I attempt to keep improving. 

People Change: Reflecting on Quitting Smoking 10 Years Later

Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. But don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.

People Change

A couple of months ago, I put out a Tweet asking for book recommendations that had a meaningful impact on people’s lives. 

It came after remembering how impactful the book, [Algorithms to Live By,](https://bookshop.org/books/algorithms-to-live-by-the-computer-science-of-human-decisions/9781250118363?aid=78973&listref=living-better) was for me. 

That book taught me that there was no good reason to organize things that I use daily. 

As a result, I don’t fold my laundry. There are 39,613 unread emails in my inbox right now. None of them cause me stress. My pots, pans and Tupperware live in complete disarray in their respective cabinets and 99% of the time, I can find what I need in 10 seconds.

I wanted to read another book that might transform some other element of my life. 

I remember someone (but now can’t remember where or who) suggest [Words Like Pistols](https://bookshop.org/books/words-like-loaded-pistols-rhetoric-from-aristotle-to-obama/9780465096190?aid=78973&listref=living-better) by Sam Leith. At the same time, a friend, Andrea Wildt, the cofounder of [Harlow](https://meetharlow.com/), an app for freelancers suggested, [You’re Not Listening](https://bookshop.org/books/you-re-not-listening-what-you-re-missing-and-why-it-matters/9781250297198?aid=78973&listref=living-better) by Kate Murphy. 

It wasn’t intentional, but somehow I started reading these two books at the same time: one on how to persuade and one on how to listen. 

I would have thought that the book on rhetoric was going to be my favorite, but it turns out the listening one struck a bigger chord. 

The book opens: 
> “When was the last time you listened to someone? _Really_ listened, without thinking about what you wanted to say next, glancing down at your phone, or jumping in to offer your opinion? And when was the last time someone _really_ listened to you?”

My response:

“Oh shit. I don’t listen.”

I am a queen of productivity and efficiency. 

The other week I orchestrated takeout for a large group in 14 minutes from choosing a restaurant to placing 11 different orders. I can launch something in one month that would take most people three months. And I don’t get stressed until I’m juggling more than 15 projects at the same time. 

But [the skills that drive me to get shit done,](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/the-getting-shit-done-muscle) also mean that when you’re talking to me, I’m simultaneously (trying to) listen, planning the next steps for something in my head, and maybe even writing an email about some other project too. 

You might say, who cares, what’s the big deal? 

But it dawned on me that I am missing out on a lot and probably hurting relationships that matter to me. 

## Without listening we are doomed to be lonely
In a 2018 [survey](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0890117119856551) of 20,000 Americans, almost half said they did not have meaningful in person social interactions on a daily basis. In 2020, another [survey](https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/loneliness-in-america) found that over 60% of young adults feel lonely. Loneliness was prevalent before the pandemic and it’s only gotten worse.

One of the culprits is often assumed to be the digital world: our phones and social media. Although this has not been proven, it resonates with me. I am happier and calmer when my phone is out of sight and I’m deep in conversation with someone. 

When Murphy explains what listening really is, it made me stop in my tracks. 

> “Listening is not about teaching, shaping, critiquing, appraising, or showing how it should be done [...]. Listening is about the experience of being experienced.”

Let that settle for a moment: Listening is about the experience of being experienced. 

What we crave is to be heard. To be seen. 

In absence of being heard, we begin to feel inadequate and empty. 

It pains me to realize I have likely made people feel empty because my listening skills are piss poor. 

I am guilty of listening to someone, trying to quickly dissect their problem, and efficiently provide the solution. I quickly extrapolate where they are going and start problem solving for them in my head before they have even had a chance to say everything and… most importantly… felt heard. 

We’ve all been taught at some point about the importance of active listening. 

But Murphy calls out that this practice, as widely taught today, is mostly optics.

Active listening emphasizes how you should look and act in the face of a speaker. Allowing the person to complete their thought. Then jumping in with yours.

This is not actually listening. 

## And yet, listening makes us more persuasive 
At one point, Murphy describes the research of Ralph Nichols, who was a professor of rhetoric at the University of Minnesota (my alma mater). Nichols realized that debate students were more persuasive when they listened well. Ironic, no? 

By well, he meant listening to understand if people’s messages are valid and trying to decipher their motivations for telling you whatever it is they are telling you. 

I particularly enjoyed Chapter 7 in the book, “Listening to Opposing Views”. 

The title is enough to make my heart race and anger levels spike… a sign that I may not be listening.  

It turns out that there is “an inverse relationship between amygdala activity and activity in areas of the brain involved in carefully listening”. The amygdala is what makes us run from a threat. It also blocks our ability to listen and think carefully.

My family has diverse political beliefs. There are many topics on which we don’t agree. But I have found that if I approach a conversation about a hot-button topic such as vaccination in the spirit of true curiosity, things go much better. 

Being a good listener requires being OK with contradictory ideas. This is called _negative capability_ or _cognitive complexity_ which is associated with creativity, better judgments and sounder decisions. 

Given how polarized our world is today, I wish everyone on the planet would read Chapter 7. 

## Plus, listening makes us more interesting
At work, where I am a marketer, I’m constantly wondering how we (our marketing) can be more interesting. In most industries, there is a field of competitors out there, ripping off each other’s messaging, speaking more to each other than they do to their customers. 

On top of that, content has become the dominant currency of marketing. We’re all out there clamoring for your 7 seconds of digital attention in an endless ocean of content. 

I recently started interviewing customers monthly in a live event format. And I became acutely aware that no matter how much I prepared, the conversation would be boring if I couldn’t release my grip on my notes and allow myself to truly listen to the guest’s responses. 

In Chapter 12, “Supporting, Not Shifting, the Conversation”, Murphy explains how we can train ourselves to listen to bring forth clarity. She says:

> “Good listeners are good questioners”

Since I read that, I’ve noticed how the people I admire most, ask the best questions. They don’t come from a place of showing you up. 

They come from genuine curiosity, and as such, the conversations and stories that flow are much more interesting. 

Early on Murphy writes:

> “Bad listeners are not necessarily bad people.”

Thank the gods. 

I’ve been actively working on my listening skills for the last two months. My partner has noticed a change so I’m confident I’m making progress. 

As recommended in the book, I’m treating listening as meditation. I focus on the other person, like you focus on your breath. If a thought bubbles up, I let it go. I try not to let my brain guess where the person is going. 

Murphy explains that if you don’t walk away from a conversation with answers to the following questions, you probably weren’t listening.
- What did I just learn about that person?
- What was most concerning to that person today?
- How did that person feel about what we were talking about? 

I find it helpful to keep these questions top of mind. 

I’m far from perfect. At least several times per week, I have to admit to others that I wasn’t listening because I was doing something in the background or my thoughts were elsewhere. 

But I am determined to strengthen my listening skills as much as I am determined to [strengthen my glutes](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/a-short-primer-on-getting-stronger). 

👂 Thank you for listening. I would be happy to listen to you. Please share your stories! Email replies come to me or write in the comments.

👋 All links to books go to [my Bookshop.org shop](https://bookshop.org/shop/pleasant-box). If you purchase through one of these links, I get a small commission. Even if you don’t use one of my links, I suggest using Bookshop.org because they support local bookshops!


A book report on "You’re Not Listening" by Kate Murphy and confessions from an aspiring listener.

How to Become a Better, Stronger Listener

A book report on "You’re Not Listening" and confessions from an aspiring listener.

Becoming A Strong Listener

A couple of my colleagues have been arranging health challenges for our company. Every month someone on the team shares their knowledge and passion for some element of health–meditation, endurance training, nutrition, etc. 

This week I was asked to do a talk about… you guessed it… resistance training!

You know you are crazy about something if you can easily stand up and speak about it for 30 minutes without no stress. I probably could have gone on for 60 minutes had they let me! 

My goal was to explain the concepts that made no sense to me for so long. I figure one of the main reasons for not resistance training is simply not understanding how it works.

So in lieu of a long-winded story this week, I want to share the deck I created for the team.

It regroups a lot of what I’ve written about in the past in a hopefully more digestible format. You can view it [online](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1mx_hy1xo_ryKApF8rrNi-Gd4yFAnj-vy00XHb6AZnLU/edit#slide=id.p).

If the presentation inspired you, I highly recommend checking out these admirable fitness voices on social media. These are people I learn from and respect for their scientific approaches, honesty, body positivity, and effective programming. 

- [Bill Campbell, PhD](https://www.instagram.com/billcampbellphd/) (Physique Science)
- [Brad Schoenfeld, PhD](https://www.instagram.com/bradschoenfeldphd/) (Hypertrophy)
- [Bret Contreras, PhD](https://www.instagram.com/bretcontreras1/) (Sports Science - Glutes)\*
- [Dr. Stacy T. Sims](https://www.instagram.com/drstacysims/?hl=en) (Female Physiology)
- [Andrew Huberman, PhD](https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab/) (Neuroscience Professor) 
- [Dr. Aaron Horschig](https://www.instagram.com/squat_university/?hl=en) aka Squat University (Physical Therapist & Lifter). His [book](https://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Milo-Foundation-Enhancing-Performance/dp/1628604220) and [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyPYQTT20IgzVw92LDvtClw) are amazing for navigating injuries.
- [Sam Sweeney](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.sweendogg/) (Personal Trainer)\*
- [Marcus Filly](https://www.instagram.com/marcusfilly/) (Personal Trainer)\*
- [Molly Galbraith](https://www.instagram.com/themollygalbraith/?hl=en) (Personal Trainer)\*

\*These people sell programming / have apps that I would use.

On a personal level, I set some new personal records (PR) this week!  

I like to [test my max lifts](https://instagram.com/thepleasantbox) every 3 months or so. This week I squatted 205 pounds (+5 over my last max) and I deadlifted 275 (+15).

My last three months of programming have been focused on these two lifts and it’s thrilling to see such results! I will also test some upper body lifts but that will happen after I send this newsletter. 

In even more exciting news, I know THREE other women who set deadlift PRs this week! Honestly, I could cry with joy. Congratulations Andrea, [Denise](https://thepleasantbox.com/article/learning-to-lift-at-56-years-old) and T! It’s super fun watching and hearing about your adventures in strength. 

Next week, we’re headed in a more subtle direction to talk about strengthening a skill I have long struggled with…

Until then, share your thoughts and questions!


Here’s the deck I presented at a company talk about health and fitness this week. Also personal records galore!

A Short Presentation on Resistance Training Basics 

A Short Presentation on Resistance Training

A couple of months ago I was listening to the Huberman Lab podcast where Dr. Huberman explains that [cooling your palms](https://hubermanlab.com/supercharge-exercise-performance-and-recovery-with-cooling/) between exercise sets dramatically improves work volume and strength training response. 

He described the work of [Dr. Craig Heller and Dennis Grahn](https://news.stanford.edu/pr/2012/pr-cooling-glove-research-082912.html), biologists at Stanford. 

The results he describes were staggering. 

We’re talking about being able to perform 200-600% more volume–repetitions of resistance exercises–in a span of 6 weeks. 

My eyes were wide open. I might have been drooling. 

How do I do this novel palm cooling?

## **Gaining muscle is hard work.**

There are very few shortcuts and those that exist will probably kill you. 

Worse… after a few years of training, it becomes even harder to build muscle and gain strength. 

This doesn’t bother me… but if there is a way to improve more faster in a safe way… I’ll take it! 

Let’s step back for a moment. 

**Why in the heck will cooling your palms help you get stronger or do more lifting volume than you could otherwise?**

In turns out, there is an optimal temperature for muscle function. When our body heats up, the contractile force capacity of muscle decreases rapidly. 

It’s very difficult to quickly change our temperature. But there are special parts of the body that are able to transfer heat fast: our cheeks, bottoms of the feet, and palms. These areas–known as glabrous skin–contain arteriovenous anastomoses (AVA), which are direct connections between small arteries and small veins. 

In several studies–[here is one](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22076097/)–Dr. Craig Heller and team demonstrated that extracting heat from the body between exercise sets increased work volume (the number of reps performed) by 144% (pull ups) and increased strength gains by 22% (bench press) over 6 weeks. 

We’re all drooling right? 

So how do we do this?! 

In the podcast, Huberman describes the “protocol” aka how to do this palm cooling. 

Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as sticking your hands in cold water between sets. If you plunge your hands in cold water, those AVA will vasoconstrict–tightening to the point where blood will not flow well.

And even if you have the right temperature, if you were only to stick your hands in a bucket, a temperature barrier would form that would prevent the offloading of heat from your palms into the water. 

In the lab, they built a special device to cool people’s palms–which I believe they are commercializing. 

However, in the spirit of zero cost education, Huberman and Heller [hypothesized](https://hubermanlab.com/dr-craig-heller-using-temperature-for-performance-brain-and-body-health/) that you could hack this at home by getting a bucket of correctly cooled water and moving your hands through it constantly to prevent the barrier from being formed. 

I tried this. And naturally, I tweeted about it too in October 2021. Complete with a video in which I also demonstrate my unique sense of fashion. 

[Evy Lyons @evylyons](https://twitter.com/evylyons/status/1449785654821351429?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)
[Big fan of the @hubermanlab podcast and trying to hack the palmer cooling protocol. I'm using 65ish degree water and moving my hands so no barrier forms. It's day one and I did more unbroken chin ups than last week so promising... No clue if this is right... Anyone have tips?](https://twitter.com/evylyons/status/1449785654821351429?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)

[1 Like](https://twitter.com/evylyons/status/1449785654821351429?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)

I didn’t think I was doing it right. Life got busy and the potential for safe, yet staggering gains slipped my mind. 

Flash forward to February, I got a reply to said Tweet from a Physics PhD who had built his own palm cooling device and had been seeing great results.

[Ariel Paul @Ariel\_P\_hysics](https://twitter.com/Ariel_P_hysics/status/1496917024538185732?s=20&t=zAU85Gj5bWteKysRVwx7zw)
[@evylyons @hubermanlab So I recently tried this protocol, first with wetting palms like you. I saw some results which seemed promising, so I decided to make a simple prototype, and the results were extremely impressive -- basically doubling workload on bench press. (1/3)](https://twitter.com/Ariel_P_hysics/status/1496917024538185732?s=20&t=zAU85Gj5bWteKysRVwx7zw)

[2 Likes](https://twitter.com/Ariel_P_hysics/status/1496917024538185732?s=20&t=zAU85Gj5bWteKysRVwx7zw)

It turns out [Ariel Paul](https://twitter.com/Ariel_P_hysics) lives an hour away from me and was happy to share how it works. 🤯

## **A Trek to Boulder In Search of Gains**
A week ago, we went out to meet him. He set up V2 of his prototype for me in his home gym and left me to do my thing while he and Dane went off to build another version of the prototype … get this… for me to take home!

For 1 hour and 22 minutes, I worked through 10 sets of pushups and 10 sets of pullups. 

Between each set, I sat calmly on a bench holding the cooling device gently in my hands for 3 minutes pondering how wild this whole thing is… and just how much I love Twitter.  

My results shocked me. 

Pushups: 20-20-20-20-20-17-15-15-12-10: 169 rep
Pull-ups: 7-7-7-7-6-6-6-6-6-6: 64 reps

While I realize I should have tested without the palm cooling before, I didn’t. But I did redo it this week _sans_ cooling just to see. 

Pushups: 20-20-20-19-18-16-16-15-13-12: 169 reps
Pull-ups: 7-7-6-5-6-5-5-5-5-5: 56 total reps

My pushup rep count was the same. However, it is possible that the one palm cooling session helped me over a plateau. I’ll never know and can only see where I go from here and how fast I improve. 

But woooow. I did 14% more pull ups with the cooling. That is incredible. Yes, one data point, but exciting nonetheless. 

**So here’s my game plan.**

Next week, I’ll do a 1 rep max test on a bunch of my lifts to set my baseline. 

The week of April 4th, I’m traveling so it’ll be a deload week. 

Starting April 11 for at least six weeks, I’ll follow this program, inspired by the studies. I’m prioritize strength in some lifts and work volume in others.

In all cases, I will rest for 3 minutes while holding the device. 

### Monday
Back Squat: 
- Set 1: 10 reps at 40%
- Set 2: 7 reps at 60%
- Set 3: 4 reps at 80%
- Set 4: 2 reps at 95% (if successful - all goes up next time by 5#)
- Set 5: 5 reps at 60%
- Set 6: 10 reps at 40%
Pull-ups: 
- 10 sets to failure 
Accessory Work: 
- Quads 
- Core
### Tuesday
Deadlift: 
- Set 1: 10 reps at 40%
- Set 2: 7 reps at 60%
- Set 3: 4 reps at 80%
- Set 4: 2 reps at 95% (if successful - all goes up next time by 5#)
- Set 5: 5 reps at 60%
- Set 6: 10 reps at 40%
Pushups: 
- 10 sets to failure 
Accessory Work: 
- Hamstrings 
- Glutes
- Shoulders 
### Wednesday
Run
### Thursday 
Off
### Friday
Repeat Back Squat & Pull-Up Day
### Saturday
Repeat Deadlift & Push-Up Day
### Sunday
Run or Row

In the subsequent 6 weeks, I plan to do upper body strength work (bench press and shoulder press) and lower body volume (squat and deadlift). 

Phew! If you’ve made it through this post, thank you and 👏. 

You can rest assured I’ll keep you posted here and on Instagram [@thepleasantbox](https://www.instagram.com/thepleasantbox/).  

Coolest Person of the Year Award goes to Ariel for making me my own palm cooling device. I’d like to write more about how it works in the future. 

But for now, let the gains begin!  


Palm cooling is a technique for increasing strength, resistance training volume, and endurance. Here's a look at a DIY palm cooling device. 

Finding joy in the lifelong pursuit of strength

Read before you subscribe

A collection of fan favorites

Conjure Up Motivation for Working Out

What’s Up in The Pleasant Box: Summer 2022 Lifting Program

People Change

Becoming A Strong Listener

A Short Presentation on Resistance Training

Adventures in Palm Cooling for Strength Gains

Garage Gym Diaries

About Evy Lyons

I'm a builder of brands, teams and muscles.