How can you make changes to your nutrition if your partner doesn’t want to follow along?

https://cdn.thepleasantbox.com/cooking-couple.jpg

First, let me be clear that if you are trying to make lifestyle changes, it’s vital to have support from your close family and friends. This article is not about how to navigate an unhealthy relationship where one person is trying to improve their life and the other is holding them back through negativity and lack of support. This article is about finding ways to achieve two different goals as a couple in a loving way.

My husband and I love cooking dinner together. He loves flavor. I eat for function. He is not trying to make major changes to his weight. I’m actively working on a lean, muscle popping body composition.

**Even though I weigh and track my food, we still manage to cook and eat together.**

The biggest challenge is controlling the amount of fat.

Another clarification (because nutrition information has become so convoluted). Fat isn’t bad for you. It’s great for you! It’s very energy dense meaning a small amount packs a lot of calories.

For reference, a moderately active woman should be eating about 4-6 servings of fat per day. A serving of fat is one tablespoon of olive oil or one tablespoon of peanut butter. What does that look like? About the size of your thumb. Not a lot!

This means we have to find recipes that are modular, customizable and work well with adding in additional fat (aka flavor) for one side of the table.

One of our standard dinner nights is pasta and sauce, most often spaghetti Bolognese. Here’s how it goes at Casa Lyons.

- For the pan, we use an oil spray or one tablespoon of oil. It’s easy to add 400 calories to a dish with a heavy-handed pour of olive oil. If there is one thing worth measuring, it’s your fat sources.
- We make one sauce using lean ground meat. We fluctuate between 93/7, 90/10 and 85/15 depending on who does the shopping and discounts available. If we’re on the less lean side of the spectrum, I advocate for straining the fat out after we brown the meat. Some days I win, some days I lose.
- The rest of the sauce is canned whole tomatoes, garlic, onions, spices, etc. Not much to worry about there.
- For the pasta, I will use a spaghetti squash and my husband will make actual pasta. While I will eat pasta, I prefer the vegetable version because I can make a huge bowl. One cup (about 100 grams) of spaghetti squash has 31 calories consisting of 7 carbohydrates and less than one gram of fat and protein. One serving of pasta (56 grams dry) has 200 calories consisting of 42 carbohydrates, 1 fat and 7 protein. I can eat 5-6 cups of spaghetti squash or 1 serving of pasta which is significantly smaller than you think. Or, I can eat 2 cups of spaghetti squash and a thin slice of whole grain bread and I’m still not exceeding the calories in one serving of pasta. If the notion of spaghetti squash makes you want to bounce right off this page, eat the pasta! But take a moment to understand what [a true serving size](https://www.precisionnutrition.com/calorie-control-guide-infographic) of pasta looks like.
- For toppings, this is where my husband will add some cheese and olive oil back on top. Depending on the leanness of the meat, I will also throw on some cheese, but again, I’ll measure out a true serving of cheese (28 grams).

**The results: my version is roughly 414 calories; 41C, 16F, 25P. My husband’s version is 760 calories; 68C, 35F, 41P.**

We have found ways to cook as a couple, but eat differently with everything from tacos, tostadas and enchiladas to shepherd's pie and even lasagne.

Sometimes you want to change, but your partner doesn’t need or want to follow the same path. When it comes to changing your nutrition, having a supportive environment is essential. The great news is that you can collaborate in the kitchen so that each person meets their needs while enjoying the moment together.

You want to lose weight, but your partner doesn't share the same goals. You also love cooking together. Is it a lost cause?

Cooking as a Couple with Different Nutrition Goals

Do you ever feel like you are able to be “on track” most of the time, but then you have these moments where, nutritionally-speaking, all hell breaks loose? Is your weekend your “weak end”?

https://cdn.thepleasantbox.com/takeout.jpg

All week you’ve been eating balanced meals, prioritizing veggies, fruits and lean proteins. Heck, maybe you’ve even been tracking your macros down to the gram every day. Friday night hits and you're exhausted. Or you find yourself at an impromptu happy hour with friends.

It’s easy to get caught up in a moment and lose your motivation.

**Thankfully, motivation is overrated. You don’t need it. But, you do need a plan.**

Such a situation happened to me earlier this year. It really threw me for a tizzy. I was in the middle of a strict cut with a goal to lose body fat and preserve lean muscle mass. During the early days of COVID-19, it was easier because takeout was barely available. Not to mention, seeing friends was off the table.

At our first socially-distant social gathering, the group decided to order takeout. I remember being anxious about navigating a meal out after so many weeks of quarantine where I cooked every meal. I also remember being annoyed that I was anxious–life shouldn’t be that hard. I’m not training to be a professional body-builder. Perfection isn’t required.

**But I still have goals, and maybe you do too. Often achieving a goal requires some level of “sacrifice” for some finite period of time.**

At the impromptu socially-distant backyard takeout soiree, we ordered Thai food. I had one of those “fuck it” moments spurred mostly because I was so hungry (and I didn’t have a plan).

My personal challenge isn’t so much staying away from super rich foods. It’s more about portion control. That night I went for it all -- full order of basil chicken, lots of rice and spring rolls.

A few things happened. I got all pissed off for falling off the wagon. My husband had to reassure me multiple times I had not ruined my progress. I emotionally felt like shit because I felt trapped in a vicious mental cycle: I have nutritional goals and I want friends.  

**It’s pretty hard to build meaningful relationships in between meals.**

At the same time this was all going down, I was studying for [Precision Nutrition’s coaching certification](https://www.precisionnutrition.com/), which introduced me to the concept of a “Break the Chain” exercise. It seemed too simple to work, but I gave it a try.

To break this annoying chain, I spent five minutes answer these questions:

- What was happening around me?
- What was happening in the few hours leading up to it?
- What was I doing, thinking, feeling around this time?
- What made the unwanted choice easier for me?

When I think about the time leading up to this moment, I was nervous about navigating a social situation while aiming for a challenging physique goal. Instead of planning a solution, I just stayed in the worry zone.

As it turns out, studies have shown that [having a plan beats motivation](https://www.lifehack.org/357891/achieve-your-goals-research-reveals-simple-trick-that-doubles-your-chances-for-success).

I spent another 15 minutes dreaming up a plan to manage this type of situation in the future. I probably spent hours… over the course of many days, worrying about or being annoyed about this situation.

**If it seems daunting to sit down and make a plan, know that you’re 5-15 minutes away from mental freedom. Not that bad!**  

The plan I came up with was to build a hierarchy of takeout choices so that if something comes up, I have a preset list of options I can fall back on that were thought out in advance.

If one of the options is not available, I need to focus on portion control and not dwelling on the situation as a failure, but rather a one-off that I can come back from. Consistency is greater than perfection.

**All nutrition facts are major guesstimates.**

When you eat out, you are likely getting more fat than you think. By asking for dishes to be steamed, sauces on the side and strategically picking fat sources, you can minimize some of the hidden calories.

Control your consumption of sauces and learn to eyeball some basic serving sizes. For example, a true serving size of rice is about the size of a cupcake wrapper.  

**Remember, nutrition is a long game.**

Making slightly better decisions regularly adds up to results. As long as this is an exception, versus your daily dinner, let it go and enjoy.

# Healthy-Enough Takeout Options
## Thai

- Papaya Salad with Chicken or Chicken Satay (400 calories; 62C, 12F, 28P)
- Chicken with Vegetables.(500 calories; 30C, 21F, 46P)
- Green Curry with Chicken, Veggies and Rice (500 calories; 75C, 9F, 31P)

## Chinese

- Shrimp and Vegetables (335 calories; 30C 11F, 24P)
- Beef and Broccoli with Rice (440 calories; 52C, 30F, 30P)

## Mexican
- Salad with Chicken, Peppers, Black Beans, Cheese, Avocado. If there are multiple sources of fat, choose only two of them. Example: keep the avocado and cheese, but skip the dressing. (450 calories; 36C, 18F, 38P)
- Steak tacos with Corn Tortillas, Veggies, Salsa, Cheese. Manage fat choices wisely by picking one: crema, guacamole, cheese, etc. (510 calories; 41C, 23F, 31P)
- Fajitas with a choice of carbohydrate. Pick either tortillas, rice or beans, but not all three. (547 calories; 60C, 23F, 32P)

## Italian
- Salad with Chicken and a slice of bread (450 calories; 36C, 18F, 38P)
- Grilled or Steamed Fish with Vegetables (350 calories; 20C, 16F, 28P)

## General/American
- Modified Cobb Salad. Choose two of these fat sources and skip the rest: dressing, eggs, avocados, seeds, bacon, cheese. (350 calories; 21C, 19F, 33P)
- Chicken Burger with Salad or Vegetables (481 calories; 38C, 26F, 29P)

## Pizza
- Try to avoid but if can’t, try to get a salad too to fill up on greens
- Limit to two slices which would be about 600 calories (68C, 24F, 24P)

All week you’ve been eating well. Friday night hits and you're exhausted. Takeout happens. Here's what to order to stay on track.

THE PLEASANT BOX #survival-skills